So earlier today in my League of Legends Facebook group, my friend posted a picture of Jessica Nigri. Everyone immediately began debating her hotness (yeah, sigh) and then somehow, it turned into a lez-fest where all the females in the group started posting pictures of Internet women they actually find attractive.
I participated in this, but after it was over, I realized that most of my suggestions were based on whether or not I wish I could be best friends with the person.
So uh, here’s my super creepy list of women who I wish I could be best friends with.
5. The girl who wrote F**k Bit**es Get Money in nerd in her high school yearbook.
Admittedly, all I know about her is this picture. But she’s so tricky and sneaky. That’s all I need to know. It’s meant to be.
4. Fiona Apple
I’m not like a huge Fiona Apple fan or anything as far as music goes. In fact, the first time I really saw her—and fell in bff love with her—was during a Late Late Show interview (I also wish I could be bffs with Craig Ferguson, but this post is about chicks, so not today, Craig).
Here’s the clip:
Okay, so maybe she’s not the world’s greatest talker, but I absolutely love what goes on inside her head, and the way that she attempts to express it. She’s also able to answer Craig’s complicated questions, which is basically a prerequisite when it comes to whether or not I can be bffs with a person.
3. Brie Larson (especially as Kate Gregson from United States of Tara and even more-so as Princess Valhalla Hawkwind)
In United States of Tara, Brie Larson plays Kate Gregson, a super mature teenager who graduates early from high school (like me!) and has an emotionally intensive immediate family dynamic (also like me!). Her most distinctive personality trait is that when she becomes interested in something new, she throws herself into it full-forced. She becomes a person who does whatever thing she is doing.
This is actually nothing like me—I feel like a poser anytime I do anything that isn’t normal me-behavior (the few times that I have visited a liquor store, I felt like there was a huge possibility I was going to be thrown out for being a non-alcohol-drinker as I handed over my ID). Anyway, I really admire this personality trait, despite it being not-so-similar to me. If I were bffs with Kate Gregson, I just know we’d go on crazy adventures together and she would help me live life more fully. And I would APPRECIATE HER and she’d APPRECIATE THAT I APPRECIATE HER. AND BFF NESS.
There’s this one story line in United States of Tara where Kate discovers an AMAZING comic book character named Princess Valhalla Hawkwind. Kate, as usual, essentially becomes Princess Valhalla Hawkwind, and monetizes this by renting out photo/autograph booths at cons, doing sexual performances for dudes on the Internet, and creating a hilarious, somewhat feminist, ironic, amazebawls music video.
Here are some Princess Valhalla Hawkwind clips. It’s okay to like it.
I love this girl.
2. Allie Brosh
Allie Brosh is the creator of Hyperbole and a Half, which is one of my favorite blogs/web comics of all time. You have probably seen some of her stuff around the Internet, particularly Adventures in Depression,Depression Part Two, and those meme pictures that say “Clean all the things!”
If you haven’t read much of Hyperbole and a Half, you should. Like me, you’ll probably find it to be both extremely hilarious and scarily accurate. You’ll also probably come to the conclusion that you and Allie Brosh should be best friends (right? right? FineyesI’mjusttryingtomakemyselffeelbetter).
One of my favorite moments in her book is when she describes the way, as a child, she used to stand at the entry-way to her parents bedroom while staring into the darkness as they slept. I use the corresponding image as my go-to “trollface” picture all the time.
Look, I even found this picture of myself making the exact same face as a child!
And then I zoomed in for humor and likes and posted it on Facebook one time.
If that’s not enough bff evidence for you, check out this interview.
1. Felicia Day
Felicia Day, man. Sometimes I have this issue when I’m talking about things I love where I can’t even—
I mean she—
I can’t even.
Also, I’m pretty sure I sherlocked that she poops using this thing: http://www.squattypotty.com/.
This is why I don’t have friends.